Northern Exposure - Part One
Alright - now my Tuesday trip to Edmonton was interesting to say the least.
I have to do this in stages just to ensure that nothing is missed.
First, the Monday night before the flight. I had planned to go to bed early, but like all good plans - that worked about as well as a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest.
Lauren calls around ten to inform me of a little birthday notice for the following evening, at which point I have to point out that I have to be out of bed in just a handful of hours to haul myself up to Edmonton on the company dime. Delish!
Of course, I've had her birthday and housewarming presents sitting in my house forever, so at some point I think it would make sense to give them to her. So I agree on a firm "maybe" for attendance, and fall into bed shortly around 11:00.
Four hours of sleep later – (3:00am for those counting fingers) – I have to fall out of bed and attempt to dress myself in a skirt suit, have hair make-up and jewellery done, and be sure that I have my flight confirmation so that I can actually get on the plane.
Now while many of you may be wondering how on earth I could wake up at such a time of the day – easy. Adrenaline. Nothing motivates you to move your butt like the fact that the company is “sending a car” for you at 4:30.
You read right – they sent a car to pick me up. Not a cab, a luxury, leather-interior sedan with personal driver and freakishly cold bottled water for my pleasure. Anyone would get out of bed for that – well – for that coupled with the dread of answering the door in your underwear while some guy asks “if you wanna take a ride”
So the car arrives right on time – amazing! – I quickly feel as though this might not be so bad after all. I have a personal car, a personal driver who has just held the door for me to gracefully make my entrance into the world’s biggest backseat on the planet! We could have fit another 7 people in this thing comfortably.
Now despite the fact that I am still barely cognitive in my functions – I manage to pull this off with a degree of elegance. At which point we head for the airport. The beauty of the system is that it is still so early in the morning, that the lights are on flash – so we coast along without so much as a glimpse of another vehicle.
The rain had been falling since about midnight, and the road was truly a wonder to witness. The ruts in the road that the semi-trucks have left behind had just enough water in them to create a truly eerie effect. Coupled with the street lights and the complete absence of vehicles, we were gliding along on a mirror. We didn’t meet another vehicle until we reached the airport – never in my life have I ever seen city streets deserted. Ever.
Once we arrived at the airport, I can’t help but notice that people are looking at the black sedan with the blacked-out windows, expecting some middle-aged executive to emerge from it. The driver parks the car, and comes around to open my door, and I laugh to myself that anyone who saw me getting out of this car is probably contemplating a quick WTF moment. Lovely at what is now 4:45 in the morning.
I quickly feel out of place in my suit as everyone else in the airport is in shorts and sweats, rubbing their eyes in some feeble attempt at waking up as they drag rolling suitcases and sleeping children behind them.
I find the only other traveller in the entire area in a suit, not carrying luggage and follow him. Blind luck pays off as I’m ushered through quickly, by-passing the entire line of weary travellers off to much more interesting destinations.
As I walk down what would prove to be a great many corridors, I emerge to one of the most pleasing sites of the morning (next to having my own personal driver) – a Horton’s refuge with the smell of coffee permeating every possible inch of the terminal. Since adrenaline got me to the airport - I figured caffeine could take over from there. A quick 5 minute wait for an extra-large black coffee found me headed down yet another corridor to my second adventure of the morning…
Security.
I have to do this in stages just to ensure that nothing is missed.
First, the Monday night before the flight. I had planned to go to bed early, but like all good plans - that worked about as well as a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest.
Lauren calls around ten to inform me of a little birthday notice for the following evening, at which point I have to point out that I have to be out of bed in just a handful of hours to haul myself up to Edmonton on the company dime. Delish!
Of course, I've had her birthday and housewarming presents sitting in my house forever, so at some point I think it would make sense to give them to her. So I agree on a firm "maybe" for attendance, and fall into bed shortly around 11:00.
Four hours of sleep later – (3:00am for those counting fingers) – I have to fall out of bed and attempt to dress myself in a skirt suit, have hair make-up and jewellery done, and be sure that I have my flight confirmation so that I can actually get on the plane.
Now while many of you may be wondering how on earth I could wake up at such a time of the day – easy. Adrenaline. Nothing motivates you to move your butt like the fact that the company is “sending a car” for you at 4:30.
You read right – they sent a car to pick me up. Not a cab, a luxury, leather-interior sedan with personal driver and freakishly cold bottled water for my pleasure. Anyone would get out of bed for that – well – for that coupled with the dread of answering the door in your underwear while some guy asks “if you wanna take a ride”
So the car arrives right on time – amazing! – I quickly feel as though this might not be so bad after all. I have a personal car, a personal driver who has just held the door for me to gracefully make my entrance into the world’s biggest backseat on the planet! We could have fit another 7 people in this thing comfortably.
Now despite the fact that I am still barely cognitive in my functions – I manage to pull this off with a degree of elegance. At which point we head for the airport. The beauty of the system is that it is still so early in the morning, that the lights are on flash – so we coast along without so much as a glimpse of another vehicle.
The rain had been falling since about midnight, and the road was truly a wonder to witness. The ruts in the road that the semi-trucks have left behind had just enough water in them to create a truly eerie effect. Coupled with the street lights and the complete absence of vehicles, we were gliding along on a mirror. We didn’t meet another vehicle until we reached the airport – never in my life have I ever seen city streets deserted. Ever.
Once we arrived at the airport, I can’t help but notice that people are looking at the black sedan with the blacked-out windows, expecting some middle-aged executive to emerge from it. The driver parks the car, and comes around to open my door, and I laugh to myself that anyone who saw me getting out of this car is probably contemplating a quick WTF moment. Lovely at what is now 4:45 in the morning.
I quickly feel out of place in my suit as everyone else in the airport is in shorts and sweats, rubbing their eyes in some feeble attempt at waking up as they drag rolling suitcases and sleeping children behind them.
I find the only other traveller in the entire area in a suit, not carrying luggage and follow him. Blind luck pays off as I’m ushered through quickly, by-passing the entire line of weary travellers off to much more interesting destinations.
As I walk down what would prove to be a great many corridors, I emerge to one of the most pleasing sites of the morning (next to having my own personal driver) – a Horton’s refuge with the smell of coffee permeating every possible inch of the terminal. Since adrenaline got me to the airport - I figured caffeine could take over from there. A quick 5 minute wait for an extra-large black coffee found me headed down yet another corridor to my second adventure of the morning…
Security.
Copyrighted by Okami 5:35 PM
7 Comments:
bwa ha ha ha ha. at least security here isn't allowed to tote semi-automatic weapons. that's always a little disconcerting.
damn... luxury limo ride. that explains my phone bill going up this month.
i sort of wondered about that.
I can almost picture myself waiting outside the terminal in nasty shorts and a cheap t-shirt, watching the orange sparkle of the lights skipping across the watery tarmac.
A sleek, expensive, yet understated car pulls up, and all heads turn to watch this elegant black ram of an automobile glide amongst the cumbersome white sheep that are the taxi's.
The chauffeur opens the door, and a vision in business attire gracefully departs the vehicle and strides elegantly across the sodden tarmac, walking on water like some forgotten prophet as she enters the terminal.
The rest of us gape in awe, like battery hens as we wait to be shuttled into our cages.
"Who was that?" asks a fat man in a hawaiian shirt.
"One of the chosen" I say
You're a high roller now, O!
Ruh Roh!
Messiah: Security at your work would shoot themselves in the foot trice over before figuring out how to point it at someone else. But security at the airport leave even less to be desired because they were little more than dirty little men with beeping wands.
Ultra: That was spectacular - thank-you. Can't wait how you re-word my next entry.
LMizzle: Oh c'mon....how creepy could it really get?
Two observations...
1. Anyone who saw you emerging from the limo probably ran home to blog about seeing the famous Okami at the airport
2. I shudder to think of what the trip would have been like had there been no Horton's in the airport.
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