In the past few days I have found myself running into a lot of people from my past. My initial reaction was to wonder whether or not they had been there all along, but I had just put blinders on to focus on the stressors in my life, like school, and the other two dimwits (see previous post)

But the longer I thought about each encounter I had with them, I quickly realized that taking on a second degree had created a side effect that I hadn’t planned for; it put me out of sync with my friends. Because the last four years was spent on a different field of study, my friends whom I had known from my first program continued living their lives: starting careers, getting married, getting houses, having kids…all the standard markings of domestication. Now some of you will few these as necessities; others of you as trappings ~ either way the emphasis is placed on the fact that they progressed seemingly "forward" with their lives, where as I seemed to have been frozen in a form of suspended animation, whereby I exit academics at a point in my life vastly different from those of my friends from those days. It’s unusual to see some of these people in parental roles: the once hard partiers who couldn’t remember how they got home the night before, let alone remember what they had been doing or with whom. I always got to hear fragmented shards of what they could vaguely recall a few days later ~ and now they’ve spawned. *eep*

They all turn to me as some sort of odd salvation, where I’m supposed to regale them with tales of freedom from the shackles of bills and routines. Many times it’s because they are starved for conversation that doesn’t involve talking like a toddler, or like a kids TV show. But I often wonder if they ever realize how odd it is for me to talk with them about certain things, for we have a diminished list of things in common now. I know little of the hardships of raising children, although I do enjoy all the tales I am told from those who have them (you know who you are). But when one of my friends with kids looks at me and says “You know what I mean?” I feel like responding “Think about what you just asked me ~ then think if I would have any idea what you mean…”

And while it is very easy to let this frustrate me ~ I can’t help but wonder why should I let it? True, I may be out of step with the friends I had in my first program, and to some extent, I am also out of step with my friends who have finished this second program with me. They are younger, have slightly different ambitions, and are in much the same place that I was when I finished my first program. I’m somewhere in between; where the ambition and determination is still there, but now I have some vital experiences in my corner. (You will note that I refrained from saying some vital experiences under my belt, lest some of you get the giggles, or just explicit mental images). Without being part of either demographic; I have a completely new freedom; one that transcends the mere shedding of loathsome people from my life. This extends far beyond that point; to where things almost seem to be coming into focus for the first time in years; goals seem attainable; dreams don't seem so unrealistic, and I am once again remembering the person I used to be.

Now if I could only figure out how to bottle that to the masses; (friends first of course) ~ then I'd be set.