Please Hold...Um...
Now almost everyone I know at some point has had to call one of these so-called "help centers" to ask for clarification on a problem ~ or simply to gripe that the hunk of machinery taking up valuable desk space is little more than an expensive piece of crap. I mean, who doesn't enjoy a paperweight the size of a suitcase?
Recent polls of Indians working in call centers for British and American companies found that they are adopting the values of Hollywood movies and British TV.
Wow - who knew British TV was that smutty to be lumped into a category all its own? Well done...my hat's off to you. Mind you, only my hat is off to you. So let's see: that should mean that our call centers are full of side-boob and thigh shots that stop at 1/4" above the knee...so far, not much of a problem is it?
Two recent surveys found many staffers admitting to casual affairs, The Times of London reported. In one poll, one in four admitted to casual sex -- and in the other, one in five said they had had an affair with a colleague.
One in four? Huh - explains why I'm stuck listening to pathetic hold music while they "load up". Hmm - know we'll have to pay attention to the beat of the music...perhaps it follows a familiar refrain? Bown bown, chika, bown bown...
"Um...hello? Yes, I'm having problems with my webcam set-up...what do you mean it's working fine at your end?" "What do you mean you like my top? No, I'm not going to guess how many fingers you're holding up..." "What do you mean eleven?" Eww.
Shankar Rao, deputy commissioner of the New Delhi Police, suggested that the call centers provide counseling to keep staffers off drugs and sex and that they should make sure no one works more than three nights a week.
Oh sure - that's exactly what we need to fix the problem - fewer people answering calls. Splendid.
"The companies should insist on certain standards," Rao said. "I want to make sure these call centers do not become dens of evil."
Because that's what the HP's and Dells of the world are concerned with: satisfaction. Of course, they mention nothing of their employees finding that on their own...or their customers for that matter...
And on a related note:
Dell set to expand its wings in India. (Take note that this is a blogspot address!)
This actually requires very little embellishment - the innuendo takes care of itself...
One of the world’s largest PC maker have recently announced that they would push deeper in the low-cost countries by hiring another 1,200 staff for a call center in India.
Of course they are; the deeper they go, the lower we do…
Texas based Michael Dell, founder and chairman of Dell Company said, “I am expecting around 1,500 employees in a year as compared to 300 to start with this recently inaugurated call center.”This lately opened call center is based in Punjab, Mohali. Apart from this call center they have other two call centers in major cities in India, Hyderabad and Bangalore.
I refuse to comment on Punjab, Hyderabad and Bangalore...I refuse...I...uh...dammit.
Dell employs more than 7,000 people in India, its largest workforce outside United States and within a couple of years the employee’s working in the Dell organization or their call centers in India will reach around 10,000 to 12,000. This is a sure shot boost to the Indian market, which is functioning like a magnet for other global corporations too.
Hmm - let's see...if we apply the math - that's 1, 750 having casual sex...and in a couple of years, that's 3,000. Impressive growth rate indeed: but I don't know about a sure shot...ugh.
Dell further added, “I think India represents a great market for us. The business potential is expanding at a very rapid stage and the scale of call centers in India is pretty inspiring.” The call center offers technical support, customer support services and application development.
Oh yeah - very rapid expansion Mikey - and I'm sure that your fine company offers lots of support and application services. Too bad your staff are the only ones enjoying it.
Recent polls of Indians working in call centers for British and American companies found that they are adopting the values of Hollywood movies and British TV.
Wow - who knew British TV was that smutty to be lumped into a category all its own? Well done...my hat's off to you. Mind you, only my hat is off to you. So let's see: that should mean that our call centers are full of side-boob and thigh shots that stop at 1/4" above the knee...so far, not much of a problem is it?
Two recent surveys found many staffers admitting to casual affairs, The Times of London reported. In one poll, one in four admitted to casual sex -- and in the other, one in five said they had had an affair with a colleague.
One in four? Huh - explains why I'm stuck listening to pathetic hold music while they "load up". Hmm - know we'll have to pay attention to the beat of the music...perhaps it follows a familiar refrain? Bown bown, chika, bown bown...
"Um...hello? Yes, I'm having problems with my webcam set-up...what do you mean it's working fine at your end?" "What do you mean you like my top? No, I'm not going to guess how many fingers you're holding up..." "What do you mean eleven?" Eww.
Shankar Rao, deputy commissioner of the New Delhi Police, suggested that the call centers provide counseling to keep staffers off drugs and sex and that they should make sure no one works more than three nights a week.
Oh sure - that's exactly what we need to fix the problem - fewer people answering calls. Splendid.
"The companies should insist on certain standards," Rao said. "I want to make sure these call centers do not become dens of evil."
Because that's what the HP's and Dells of the world are concerned with: satisfaction. Of course, they mention nothing of their employees finding that on their own...or their customers for that matter...
And on a related note:
Dell set to expand its wings in India. (Take note that this is a blogspot address!)
This actually requires very little embellishment - the innuendo takes care of itself...
One of the world’s largest PC maker have recently announced that they would push deeper in the low-cost countries by hiring another 1,200 staff for a call center in India.
Of course they are; the deeper they go, the lower we do…
Texas based Michael Dell, founder and chairman of Dell Company said, “I am expecting around 1,500 employees in a year as compared to 300 to start with this recently inaugurated call center.”This lately opened call center is based in Punjab, Mohali. Apart from this call center they have other two call centers in major cities in India, Hyderabad and Bangalore.
I refuse to comment on Punjab, Hyderabad and Bangalore...I refuse...I...uh...dammit.
Dell employs more than 7,000 people in India, its largest workforce outside United States and within a couple of years the employee’s working in the Dell organization or their call centers in India will reach around 10,000 to 12,000. This is a sure shot boost to the Indian market, which is functioning like a magnet for other global corporations too.
Hmm - let's see...if we apply the math - that's 1, 750 having casual sex...and in a couple of years, that's 3,000. Impressive growth rate indeed: but I don't know about a sure shot...ugh.
Dell further added, “I think India represents a great market for us. The business potential is expanding at a very rapid stage and the scale of call centers in India is pretty inspiring.” The call center offers technical support, customer support services and application development.
Oh yeah - very rapid expansion Mikey - and I'm sure that your fine company offers lots of support and application services. Too bad your staff are the only ones enjoying it.
NEW HANDS-FREE HEADSETS IMPROVE PRODUCTIVITY FOR STARTUP, EXPANSION OR UPGRADING OF CALL CENTERS.....I bet they do....
Copyrighted by Okami 4:12 PM
10 Comments:
Monsieur Dell and Mademoiselle India better behave over there! MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Eleven fingers...
Heh heh!
It's not like India is having a population shortage as it is. I'm all for an inlux of jobs into this poverty stricken country, as it is clearly needed.
The only thing that bothers me is the poor service I often get.
I also heard that the workers are given english names because it is too hard for customers to understand/remember indian names.
That speaks volumes for the xenophobic nature of our nation...
That explains the strange support center call I was on last week.
Me: My computer crashed and won't start up again.
Her: You like that, right?
Me: Erm...no. Not really. That's why I'm calling.
Her: You're a dirty boy, aren't you?
Me: A little. I mean, I just wanted to send an e-mail and then I was going to take a shower. I probably need one. ha, ha.
Her: YES! YES! YES! OH GOD YES!
Me: Erm..okay, I guess I'll go take that shower now and I'll call back when I'm clean.
Her: Oh God that was great.
Me: Gee, thanks.
Ah, the evils of technology. Funny how technology seems to equate to easy instant smut access.
I wonder if I could use that to move my work week down to 3 days?
Ah well, could be worse... In a Canadian Call centre, you'd be hearing loud screams of "He shoots! He Scores".
Guess you could just refer to it as the 24/7/365 Playoffs.
And the obvious question....
What happens when service expands to house calls?
Blondie: Now why would they want to do that, I mean productivity is up. Um..yeah..and that is too...
Ultra: If you are experiencing poor service, perhaps you need to try a new customer assistance line. Grab a pen...1-900-BA...
Joe: That wasn't a support centre dear, that was the order line for "Random Thoughts: Unrated". I'm told that if you have it shipped express that it will come faster...(sorry)...
Messiah: What other use is there for technology? It was full of lies with its promise of "less paper", so this is fair game payback. As for expanding into house calls, I imagine that Dell will then have to change their uniforms to look like pizza delivery boys via webcam.
Sadly, I don't think it's possible for it to come any faster, Okami.
Not quite the mental visual I needed while drinking my coffee Joe, but thanks.
I guess that goes back to the 10 second rule you spoke of earlier?
I meant the DVD's, Okami! Get your mind out of the gutter...
Oh, and from what I gather there's probably no good time to have any visuals of me floating through one's head.
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